life in senses

2011-09-01T15:34:00.001+01:00

yeah, I'm probably going to start treating this more like a tumblr. Problem?

151 days of summer

2011-08-28T23:23:00.003+01:00

(and technically spring)

That's the exact number of days since my last blog post. Approaching the dirty side of half a year.

So...

'bin busy?

Discography

2011-03-30T14:16:00.015+01:00

Simple, a list of all the films I want to see, but haven't yet. It'll be added to I'm sure;

Anchorman
Giant
East of Eden
Rebel Without a Cause
The French Connection
A Streetcar Named Desire
The Wild One
Apocalypse Now
Papillon
Bullitt
The Great Escape
Citizen Kane
Butch Cassidey & the Sundance Kid
The Hustler
Alfie (Michael Caine)
Brokeback Mountain
Memento
Sid & Nancy
Se7en
Driving Miss Daisy
3:10 to Yuma
A Beautiful Mind
~~Good Will Hunting~~
Dogma
The Fighter
The Machinist
The Pianist
Despicable Me
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
~~Dead Poets Society~~
Man on the Moon
Fight Club
~~One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest~~
L.A. Confidential
Babel
Dr Strangelove
The Usual Suspects
Reservoir Dogs
The Big Lebowski
~~Donnie Darko~~
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
~~How to Lose Friends & Alienate People~~
The King's Speech
Trainspotting
Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas
Garden State
Scott Pilgrim vs The World
Chaplin
A Scanner Darkly
Blade Runner (have seen it, but it was a while ago)
Paper Man
Gran Torino
Million Dollar Baby
Breakfast on Pluto
Into the Wild
Singin' in the Rain
On the Town
Natural Born Killers
No Country for Old Men

two ninths

2011-03-18T17:13:00.002Z

So term 2 is now over, feedback from DNA (cast picture above, all in character with director) was good especially the stuff my peers said about me. Now there's only one term left of the 1st year at East15. Just got to do a dance show tomorrow before having a date with a lovely girl, then it's back home to cheaper living.

I need a job so badly up here, money is a serious worry.

Onwards and up.

difficult

2011-03-10T22:03:00.002Z

all this training is making it very difficult to contain my own thoughts and emotions, especially my anger.

not good how furious I've been lately

discombobulated

2011-02-20T16:42:00.002Z

A quick post while I'm waiting for my jacket-tater to cook. Nothing too important to say really. Getting on with a mammoth workload, cooking for myself more and more, trying to find a part-time job around campus to help with the rent, still doing my 365 project and trying to do my absolute best in all aspects of the training.

Best thing is now, mid-way through term two, we're all starting to settle into ourselves. Most of us are pretty much there, secure in the course, secure in our mates and who we can trust. Me,I'm very close if not already there. Only thing is, whenever I go back to the parent's place, my home for the past god knows how many years, it never feels right. Even worse, when I come back I always feel slightly disconnected from the uni group again, especially if it means I've missed a social night or god forbid a party. Only thing it seems to do in that situation is just knuckle down and focus on the work

It's a hard slog, but it'll be worth it at the end.

Dinner's ready

sessanta

2011-01-26T23:44:00.003Z

Started the 365 project. 3 days down. Currently it's a lot of human shots because I'm relatively uninspired, but I love the people I shoot. (I'm sure serial killers say the same) Struggling to get to full grips with the new Sony Alpha, can't seem to reduce the shutter speed to stop blurring. But it's a great camera.

checkidout

A favourite story

2011-01-05T14:16:00.000Z

The Bear, and the Bee

Once upon a time, there was a bear and a bee that lived in a wood and were the best of friends. All summer long the bee worked and worked, collecting nectar from morning to night, while the bear lay on his back, basking in the long grass under the beating sun. The bear slept, ate, and lay in the grass all summer long, while his little friend the bee worked and worked and worked, collecting more and more nectar to turn into honey. The bee warned the bear, that he should start to prepare for the winter ahead, or he would be cold and hungry. The bear shrugged his friend aside; “Don’t worry” he said; “there will be plenty of food for me when the time comes, the salmon are plentiful and if the river freezes, I can break the ice to fish them out.”

Then the winter came and the river had frozen solid. The bear broke the ice, and found there were no salmon in the river anymore. They had moved to warmer waters. At this point the bear realised he had nothing left to eat. He thought to himself, “I wonder if my friend, that busy little bee will share some of his honey with me”. So he searched, high and low, for his little worker bee friend. He searched in the trees of the wood, the nearby caves, the frozen river, and the fields on the hills. But the bee was nowhere to be found – he had died of a stress induced coronary disease.

yeah

SQUEEHAHA!

2010-12-19T20:38:00.001Z

i know i know

2010-12-10T10:52:00.002Z

Haven't posted in ages AGAIN because I've been super busy AGAIN. Just started our Verbatim project revolving around the play "Stockwell" which is unpublished. It's about the inquest after the shooting of Jean Charles De Menezes on July 22nd 2005 and every line in the script is taken from the transcript of the inquest. Real people said these lines. It's pretty heavy stuff.

But because I have no more to say on the matter, I'll give you some eargasm instead

so psyched for this film

2010-11-10T18:44:00.002Z

Just about sums up today.

To all those who protested properly today, well done. To all those who incited violence at the protest, thanks for making students as a whole scapegoats. Guess who'll be paying for the damage you caused? Yeah, that's right, us.

Fucktards

belch

2010-11-07T17:10:00.005Z

So I haven't blogged in ages for being so busy again; 3 things:

First, I love acting training.

Second, thinking about doing an autobiographical cartoon.

Third, girls are still really fuckin' weird.

Ciao!

The Final S'Warm of 2010

2010-10-31T18:06:00.001Z

I know I know, I haven't posted in ages. Been so bloody busy with everything. But I bring you moving pictures!

S'warm London 2010 from National Youth Theatre on Vimeo.

Freshers

2010-09-22T20:29:00.002+01:00

Hello blog, been a while.

Freshers this week. I know it's Wednesday evening and I should be out partying but tonight I really cannot be arsed. Hit it heavy the last two nights and sufferring for it. Not wth the typical hangover mind! Oh no I've done something much more mysterious. I have pulled every muscle in my neck and hurt the backs of my knees. I can only assume it's from over-zealous raving for two nights. So far though, it's been great. I've also managed to pull a beautiful girl the past two nights (same gal both nights) so my confidence in that area is on an ego busting high. I'm still overthinking everything to do with it though. I can't seem to let go of myself and "go with the flow", even though I tell myself that's what I always do.

I'm having a bit of a weird time at the moment, wondering whether I'm really right to be here or deserve to be. Apparently everyone feels like that at this stage but no matter how many times you're told that you never think that you are "everybody". Hopefully i'll be able to take everything in this year and be much better at the end of it. Otherwise what is it all for?

Self employment

2010-09-03T12:25:00.003+01:00

Why oh why did I declare myself thusly? I've now got to wade through countless months of self declaration (even some for last year? What?) until this month, and then continue to do it throughout my study. Unless I get a part time job and declare myself "employed" that is.

I know, I shouldn't really be moaning about all this, it's just another fact of life that everyone has to do and I'm just late to the party. But tax is fucking depressing! I've even got council tax to contend with now until I'm actually registered as a student. That's soon by the way, roughly 2 weeks now and term starts. Bloody nervous. I'm starting to worry I'll hate it or not be good enough or all sorts of things.

If I earn enough money in later life, I shall move to Monaco and become tax free. HA!

S'warm will continue

2010-08-23T11:47:00.003+01:00

my 3 weeks with the NYT for S'warm are over. It was a long tough slog, but I've learnt a lot and made some great connections.

here's some vids of it, explains it better than I could;

S'warm: The Making Of - Part 1 from DigiS'warm on Vimeo.

S'warm Rehearsals: Week 2 from National Youth Theatre on Vimeo.

week 3 vid should be coming soon, I'll shove it up when I see it.

Tuesday the 6th til the present day

2010-07-15T20:07:00.002+01:00

It's been a peculiar time.

Tuesday at 7am, the rest of the family left for a holiday in Florida, leaving me all on my tod. I took full advantage, called up a friend to come over for a gaming, film and pizza day and fun was had. But that is not all my dears, oh no!

That same Tuesday, I got a call from a lovely lady named Linda, who is the admin officer for East 15 drama school asking me if I still wanted to be on the waiting list. I said yes, she said thankyou, and left it at that. Pretty gutting I have to say.

Still, fast forward 3 hours, Linda called again, and offered me a place on the 3 year BA Acting course. Needless to say I was extremely excited and I immediately said yes! So Straight onto Student finance to try and get that all sorted before the open day on Saturday.

All this got put to a very abrupt stop when I was burgled on Friday night. They were after the car on the drive, but just so happened to pick up my phone, wallet and digital SLR on their way out. Bastards.

Police have been very helpful, and I of course had to phone the family and tell them what had happened. Luckily at this moment in time, the car has been found, and recovered with no damage. Tesco Mobile have been lovely and sent me a new sim with my old number on it, all my old credit, and £100 off my next phone with them.

I now have to apply for new cards, new NI card, new driving license, and various other things, all whilst trying to sort out a flat and student finance before I start the NYT show in August. I wouldn't be able to attempt any of this without my good friend Paul so major thanks to him.

I just want to get it sorted, secure, and carry on being back to "normal".

East 15, here I come!

2010-07-02T10:28:00.001+01:00

This made me grin like a child with sweets

me myself and mine

2010-06-30T23:01:00.002+01:00

that's me that is. In my wavy IKEA mirror, tensing slightly, with frankly rather flattering lighting. You might be wondering why I've shoved this up here, and part of me is wondering too. Not so much "why" but "why I feel I have to"

Short of it; I'm starting a new workout regime, a lot of running laps around the local park, coupled with trying to hit 100 consecutive pushups by following the programme on hundredpushups.com. Only difference is that due to Coventry and my own laziness, I've left it late. The main aim was to get fitter for the NYT show in August, the 100 programme is 6 weeks long. I'm going to push myself to do it in 3 (with the last week in July being a cushion of sorts if I have to repeat a week) It will be hard work but if I'm to believe the hype, I should see massive results rather quickly. Obviously I need to be careful and not injure myself before August because that's exactly the opposite of what I need.

Also, this is yet another self-made lesson in self confidence (I know, it's become a theme with me on here, stick with it!) If I'm happier with my body, then I'll be happier in myself and more confident in everything I do. Mainly talking with strangers from the opposite sex, and actually just new people in general.

I say not happy, it's not that I hate my body or anything, it's alright, but it could do with a fair bit of work. More toning and some things being bulked up a bit is all I want, plus a noticeable improvement in cardiovascular fitness which has really dropped for me of late. I'm putting up here so I can be reminded of it when I log in everyday. No excuse and no more avoidance. It starts today.

2010-06-26T14:53:00.005+01:00

i'm getting back into tees again. Can never have enough. Plus, MySoti is great.

i've even got a few designs of my own somewhere. I'll have to find them again.

whew

2010-06-26T00:54:00.001+01:00

ok, so now that 9 days of work is over, i'll give you a brief summary (or one as brief as i CAN for 9 days worth of chaos)

First day, my first ever service. 165 Coventry City VIP members who've been supporting for 50+ years having a meal. First time i've ever been in total control of anything alone. Had a great team of guys, absolutely perfect service bar onething.

Having a bit of banter with my 2 supervisors, throwing jokey insults at each other, a female member of staff (16yo, 5ft1, been in the job 2wks) joined in by throwing a joke my way about my language. I jokingly retorted by asking her if she was a child. Next thing i know she's downstairs in the HR department bawling her baby blues out. So i had to get someone to go find her, so i could take her aside to apologise and explain. All sorted but not ideal in my first proper service.

Next one was a wedding. Pretty standard apart from a menu cockup that managed to get the wedding planner fired (none of this was our fault, all down to the wedding planner not liaising with the bride) Only weird thing was the groom drank ONLY Dr Pepper. No booze, no water. Just Dr P.

Conference for Boots on Monday (pharmacy in the UK) for 3500 people. Started at 11am to do setup, service was at 7pm an the guests were supposed to be out by midnight. Turns out we were 40min behind because all the guests were late, but service went great. Once the guests had disappeared, we started to move the 3500 chairs in there out, and remove all the tablecloths and move the tables into the new correct position. THEN we moved 3500 OTHER chairs back in and set them round the tables. All the staff went home at 3am. I left at 5.30am Tuesday morning.

Next big thing was Wednesday. Boots again, this time for only 1400 & set up from 11am. One annoying thing was another manager trying to undercut myself and another guy who were in control by just laying chairs on random tables completely fucking our easy to follow system up. I asked him to stop, then when i passed him again he stopped me and started shouting all this crap at me about how i should give him respect because he's been doing this for "before i was born". I tried to explain why i stopped him, he interrupted me again, so i just shook my head and walked off to brief my staff. He promtly threw a hissy fit and stormed out of the building. Anyway service started at 7 and we were being kicked out of the hall so they could give awards at 9.15. We started the night 30mins behind schedule. By the end of it my team was 20mins ahead of schedule. We pwned.

Last night was a P!NK concert where we were serving the guest who'd paid £130 a ticket to see her. Someone else was put in control and there was no logic to anything he did, so we assumed the thing would crash and burn to show just how bad the guy was at managing. Then we plucked up a bit for the sake of the staff having a good time, and managed to pull him out of the shit for the umpteenth time whilst he disappeared for hours on end for "ciggie breaks". Hell, we even gt to watch most of P!NK's set. It was freaking awesome.

/rant /blog

it's good to be back

wedding

2010-05-28T09:43:00.002+01:00

Travelling to a wedding today that will last until Sunday. Apparently I've been shoehorned into car park duty (give me strength) and I'm not really looking forward to the whole thing.

I don't get weddings or marriage in general. Yes, I love you, let's get a certificate to prove it! I know it can prove useful for brining up a family, more security, and people have told me that it "makes you want it to work more" but I reckon that's an elephant in the room sized double edged sword (oh yeah, keep up with those metaphors ladies)

Think about it, if it makes you want to make it work more, first thing that springs to mind for me is "pressure". A fair few people don't function well under pressure. Pressure can lead to higher expectations of oneself, which is fine if you can meet them. If you can't due to you, or unforeseen circumstance, then my god are you in for a depressive phase. Then it'll start affecting the people in the family, with you lashing out in your frustration and you'll all drag each other down.

Yeah, no thanks. I've had enough arguments to last my a lifetime in the family I'm currently with.

Onto the wedding then. We leave in a few hours. Need to shower and pack

doggy day out

2010-05-22T16:59:00.003+01:00

Just come back from what can only be described as chaos. We took Lily out to Virginia Water for her 1st birthday celebrations along with 5 other dogs (ranging from just turned 1 to 5) and food to feed a thousand. Started off well, dogs playing and sprinting around. Then came the swimming in the mud, and the endless shaking off right next to me leaving me looking more and more like a dalmatian by the minute.

Anyway, fast forward to a bit later on, everyone's eaten, dogs are still swimming into the lake and back playing fetch, and out of nowhere this bright pink Barbie football rolls into the lake and we hear a wail. Turn around to see a girl who can't have been older than 5 bawling her eyes out The dogs all chase after it to try and grab it, but can't because it's too light and keeps floating away. So because I realise no-one else will, I have to wade in past my knees to get it back. Dogs still chasing, everyone laughing at the dogs, and no-one but the girls family realising what I am doing.

I'm proud of myself for that, hate seeing little kids cry.

back

2010-05-21T09:18:00.002+01:00

So I'm writing this, because I can really. No real purpose, no major updates. Just letting everyone know I'm still alive!

I've been in this really depressive state the past few weeks, a jobless, worthless, self deprecating rut. But today I feel really really healthy again. Admittedly I've just had a petis filous yoghurt for breakfast instead of a "normal" thing like cereal or toast, but fuck it, i had juice!

I will start working out a LOT more after this weekend. Probably do it on the Wii fit instead of paying for gym membership. Might progress to it, but for now I'll stick with the home gadge. Sure watching me will give Lily some amusement.

Here's to better things!

2010-05-13T15:55:00.000+01:00

I thought this was fantastic. More here

new experiences

2010-05-10T15:42:00.003+01:00

i was gonna blog this yesterday but i was way too fucking tired to think. 48 hours straight awake meant my brain was mush and i promptly crashed for 13 hours last night.

Anyway, enough on that. I visited a friend in Southend on Saturday night, got introduced to her friends, got very drunk and ended up having my first ever "one night stand" (don't like the phrase but it's the one that best describes it) with a friend of said friend. Obviously not going to mention any names, and i shall merely say it was good, and a lot harder than originally thought due to the amount of alcohol in my system. But hey, you live and learn, and one benefit was that my confidence in myself last night was at an all time high.

Whether i'll venture further down this road of casual sex is still to be considered.

unexpected pleasures!

2010-05-06T21:55:00.001+01:00

Got this via email tonight;

Dear Alex,

Congratulations!

You have been cast in NYT's 2010 outdoor, site-specific spectacle; S'WARM. Working in collaboration with Complicite you will be performing as a member of the S'WARM CORE CAST.

S'Warm is part of NYT's environmental trilogy and is a first for the organization in terms of scale, impact, skill-set and demand. Inspired by Einstein's "Death of Bee. Death of Planet," we are exploring the concept of science informing art in an effort to highlight issues around global warming or rather, global S'Warming.

THIS IS NOT A FLASH MOB EVENT.

Instead, S'Warm will be an intensely choreographed piece of outdoor theatre looking at voice, movement, storytelling and discipline. From Battersea Power Station to Greenwich Park, S'Warm will be true ensemble theatre at its best, peppered with moments of individual performances.

Just to confirm/remind you, the rehearsal and project dates for S'WARM are below. AS PART OF THE CORE CAST YOU WILL NEED TO BE AVAILABLE FOR THE FULL PERIOD -

Monday 2nd August - Sunday 22nd August.

A break! Finally a break! haha

2010-05-06T15:52:00.000+01:00

nothing to write really. Ignore the music, just thought this was stunning

things i done today hurr hurr

2010-05-02T20:16:00.003+01:00

I got up
i woke the dog
i got picked up
i realised i'm terrible at explaining myself emotionally
i grabbed my camera
i travelled to Brands Hatch in Kent
i got rained on
i realised i should have brought a warmer jacket
i walked approximately 3 miles round a racetrack
i watched some motor races
i got rained on a lot
i thought the cars were louder than last time
i was disappointed there were no pit babes
i got absolutely soaked through
i was very very cold
i sat in a car to warm up
i travelled back to a friends
i watched the racing on a comfy sofa
i petted a Golden Retriever
i petted a cat
i scared a kitten
i had a roast chicken dinner
i gamed against my friend
i won
i lost
i said goodbye
i said thanks
i got a lift back home
i said thanks again
i made a promise
i walked in the door
i put down my camera
i burnt myself on the oven
i had a turkey roast dinner
i sat down
i turned on the computer
i checked my emails
i wrote this

Monday's list

2010-04-25T21:50:00.002+01:00

to do this coming week;

1. get a haircut to stop myself looking like a poor man's Kevin Keegan from the 80s
2. get some hours from work
3. re-do my acting CV again
4. start the new work-out
5. start eating properly
6. think up things to add to this so i can reach my ultimate goals

2010-04-19T21:41:00.001+01:00

because i can't think of anything to actually write, and because this is a cracking record

chatroulette

2010-04-10T22:36:00.001+01:00

I want a webcam and mic just to pull stunts like this

genius

none please, i'm british

2010-04-05T23:00:00.004+01:00

So after reading this blog by the wonderfully gorgeous and intelligent Mary, i felt compelled to explain my own sex life (or lack thereof).

For me, sex is much more than "just sex". It is (and should be) when two people are so in love and care for each other so much that they give in to one another completely. Perhaps that's naive, perhaps it's old fashioned, but for me that feels right.

I dislike the way sex has become just "something we do" for a lot of people. It's lost it's meaning, it's wonderment and it's innocence. I'm not really a fan of one night stands, or even having sex when both of us are drinking. Because as much as they protest that they are fine and they want it, a big part of me still feels like it's taking advantage. If i get to that stage with a girl, i want it to be a natural progression, not brought on by an outside stimulant.

I do sometimes wonder about my reasons for this though. Maybe i feel this way about casual sex because i've never actually had an encounter like it? (or even the offer of one for that matter) If i try it maybe it will change my mind? I'm open to new experiences (except drugs or tobacco, that's always going to be a big fat no) so i dunno, next time someone i fancy offers it, i'm just gonna say "why the hell not!". Especially as my braces are now on, i'm guessing any offers will be few and far between (no different from before there then)

Maybe that mentality will sort out this piss-take of a dry spell i've had sexually for 2 years. That's right, i haven't had intercourse for 2 years. (so a week doesn't seem so bad now does it?)

Yeah, not a lot of people know that, feel privileged.

materialism

2010-04-01T23:28:00.003+01:00

I know it's cliché to say this and everyone is now wearing them, but i have loved these sunnies ever since i first saw them! I'm a massive fan of 50s culture (as anyone who has known me longer than 5 minutes should know) and thank mother funking CHRIST that the 50s style of simple elegance is coming back into fashion! No more blaring 80s neon and skinny jeans! Just simple blue jeans an a plain white T for the men (basically what i wear 60% of the time anyway!)

Now that i know this is coming back, i really want a proper pair of Ray Ban wayfarers. I've got cheap (make that very cheap) copies i bought from Goodwood for a tenner, but they're flimsy and probably don't offer as much protection. Plus, they're slightly oversize on the originals.

Biggest problem obviously, is that they're usually well over 100 big ones. I wonder if they're cheaper in the states?

BUT (and this for me is the kicker the whole thing means that the one guy i have always wanted to emulate will now be seen as a proper style icon once more, and i for one am loving the idea.

if you don't know who that is, you really don't know enough and I reserve my rights to be completely in love with this man, even though he is dead.

tomorrow is the start

2010-03-29T22:54:00.004+01:00

So tomorrow i am actually getting the braces fitted. Gonna be a long haul, 2 years in total they reckon.

Truth is blog followers [and i know there aren't many of you] i'm really quite scared. I'm second guessing and doubting a lot. I'd like to believe part of it is just fear of the unknown, but really i know it can't be because i've had braces before. I think really, i'm really afraid that now, just as i'm getting more comfortable with the way i look, it's all going to change and i'll have to start the whole bloody process again.

I'm also afraid that i'm just telling myself that i'm now comfortable with the way i look to get out of actually going through with it. If that's the case, then how am i going to last 2 whole years of commitment having it on?

What are my reasons for doing this now? I'm not a vain person, i really didn't bother too much about the way i look. I am getting relatively happy with it, and this all started because i wanted a speech impediment fixed. A speech impediment which no-one can actually notice and it's progressed into braces and major surgery on my jaw? Shit.

What's still forcing me through and what will be making me go tomorrow, is one pure ideal; you shouldn't shy away from doing things you're scared to.

God i'm sorry. How ridiculous you all must perceive me to be. Apologies. Just trying (and evidently failing) to get things off my chest. Really quite scared.

500 days

2010-03-21T22:16:00.005Z

Ok, first get the thought out of your heads that this is a "chick flick" or even a rom-com. Because it isn't (and i'm not just saying that to save face, i'm not afraid to embrace my feminine side lads) What this film is though, is different. It's narrative is inventive, the story more so and thank the lord christ it doesn't have an overly soppy Hollywood ending. Its funny, it's fresh, with a wicked soundtrack and cast to boot. Joseph Gordon-Levitt is now one of my top actors. Strangely enough i could see a fair bit of myself in him.

This is where it gets weird but it's also the main reason for loving it. A lot of the film i felt i had to distance myself from because it made me uncomfortable in a good way. That probably doesn't mean a thing so i'll try and explain myself better;
I saw in Tom a lot of myself and some of the situations he got himself into i can imagine doing myself. The film really threw me around emotionally and i almost closed myself off from it completely.

I think what i need is to actually sit down, alone, in the dark (maybe with a box of tissues, i dunno) and re-watch it. Let my mask drop and just enjoy and inhabit the film. If that doesn't work then either my problem is bigger than first thought, or the film was never designed in a way that it could be inhabited like i imagine it could be.

I'm stopping and posting here, without reading it back, because if i do i feel i may think myself rather insane. Hell even if i am i shall embrace the madness

in the middle

2010-03-20T23:17:00.002Z

Auditions are funny things. You build yourself up for weeks or months a moment which lasts mere minutes. I've been doing a lot of this peaking and troughing (fuck you spellcheck it is a word) recently.

My top choice audition was a week ago today and i achieved all i wanted to with it. I used brand new speeches, i got through to the final round, i met lovely people, old friends and above all i had a lot of fun. on Thursday upon returning from another audition, i received a letter from them.

"With reference to your recent audition for a place on the BA (Hons) Acting course, i am writing to advise you that your name has been placed on the waiting list. A final decision will be made in around August/September time and you will be telephoned if an offer is made, if not, you will be informed by letter at a later date."

So basically, i was better than my last 3 attempts, but still not quite enough to actually get a place. I only get one if someone else drops out or refuses the offer.

The reason i'm only posting this now instead of on the day is because it's taken me a while to actually get my head round it, and also calm down and step away from the "what fucking more do i have to do?" mindset i was inhabiting. Don't get me wrong that feeling is still there, but subdued from what it was.

It's a weird spot for me to be in, i mean it almost feels like, well, nothing. I know its something but it doesn't actually feel that way. Put it this way, a no is a no, a yes is a yes. Those are both definite. "Waiting list" is really vague and, yeah vague. Dunno what else i could call it.

Just feels almost like i'm back at square one with regards to where i stand.

2010-03-13T06:40:00.002Z

so today is the day. in 20mins i'm travelling up to Essex to do my top choice audition and i feel like i'm already resigned to failure. With all my positive thinking and reinforcement i just cannot get past that i may not have prepared enough or left it to late. They will surely see this in me and mark me down accordingly.

I am praying that i get there today, and something will spark in my thick fucking skull and i will remember everything important that i learnt and the confidence in myself will swell.

but so far this week has pretty much sucked

T - 1

2010-03-12T08:23:00.002Z

So tomorrow is my big day. My first audition at my top choice school. To say i'm nervous is an understatement. Well, actually, i feel nervous but at the same time i feel like i'm probably not as nervous as i think i should be?

Anyway, tomorrow morning at the crack of dawn i'll be on a train heading my way to Essex to audition at East15. I think my main nerves are down to the complete petrifying fear of failing to get in and what the fuck i am going to do if i don't. I really cannot bear the thought of another dead end job doing something i hate from 9-5.

I'm something else with speeches. I rehearse them and learn them easy enough but when preparing them i conflict myself so often its like i'm this bouncing black mush and the walls i'm bouncing off have thousands and thousands of tiny studs and spikes. I don't want to over-prepare the speech because it may come across as over-rehearsed and wooden, but i don't want to under-prepare it because it may look shambolic and underdone. So i'm constantly thinking "no i've done enough, but what if i haven't, or if i have, etc etc etc" and my mind goes round in circles bouncing about like nothing else and i get the motivation to go do something on the speech then tell myself to leave it and stop picking and the whole thing starts all over a-fucking-gain.

It's
a
nightmare

Now i appreciate the irony here. I know i'm lucky to even be able to go for this sort of profession when many kids my age have nothing to look forward to but their degree and a lifetime of office work. But at the same time do you know how tough it is to break this business? They reckon there's well over 1000 people auditioning for every place. And just to give you an idea, there are around 20 accredited drama schools in the UK, and all of those only take between 10 and 30 students each year. Compared with thousands and thousands of applicants, you're looking at just over the high side of 100 places. Got more chance of being struck by a falling seagull.

now i sound like a bleeding heart; "oh please take me please"

the truth here, is that i am incredibly scared of failing and becoming that office drone, because i want my life to be filled with what i love to do, even if it does mean i'm penniless and hungry whilst searching for work. Because i will still be happy that that is my job. Yes i may have to get other part time and temporary contracts just to get paid but if that's what it takes then that's what it freaking takes.

I'm glad i wrote this now, makes me feel a bit more confident in myself

Saturday

2010-03-09T22:10:00.004Z

3 days (and a bit) to go before my first audition of the year. It's at my top choice school, East15. I'm so nervous i could actually be sick. I feel like i've forgotten how to act and also how to be myself all in the same frame of mind!

What happened to the cool calm collected me that would waltz up to the audition all professional and prepared? Why can't i have that Alex back? he seemed like he was going to get in first try.

I really want this place, and i'm only just realising it now that i probably should have booked fucking sooner and given myself a better shot. If i don't get in this year i don't know what i'm going to do instead, can't face working a 9-5 every day for another year. Places like that drive me insane. Plus this is my 3rd year of trying and i really don't want to wait any longer. I need this, because if i don't get it i honestly don't think there's anything else i can do

Help please!

The Cave

2010-03-03T08:21:00.001Z

loving this record

skins

2010-03-02T15:34:00.003Z

Ok, so another show that is supposed to have mass cult appeal among the younger generation as it shows what teenage life is really like.

Now i'm sorry, but it bloody well doesn't. Yes i know i had a very safe and quite good upbringing, but i doubt anyone in the UK ever has problems like these caricatures of kids have.

I watched an episode of the 4th series last night, and they were touching on (or trying to reach) some very sensitive subjects. From what i saw, "Effie" was a manic depressive trying to kill herself, and "Freddie" was hopelessly in love with her (couldn't work out why) and trying to figure out/stop her. A supposedly "deep" plot line only took me 3 seconds to work out.

The main problem for me with this "hit series" is the writing. It tries so very hard to get these really deep and supposedly "real" plots across but falls short of the mark every single time because there's just no atmospheric grounding behind it. It lacks tension, it lacks emotion, everything seems false and over-exposed and i honestly could not care 1 iota when Effie splashed tomato sauce from her wrists with a knife in the ladies.

Now i know exactly what this is. They say it's written "by young people for young people." But i'm pretty sure their definition of "young" is 35 and upwards. It's nothing but a pretty awful portrayal of a hedonistic life they wished they lived.

Problem no two with this is the target audience. Apparently for up to 20/21, but we all know kids a lot younger, maybe even 13/14 are watching this and thinking; "brilliant! I get to have drug and alcohol fuelled orgies whilst wrecking peoples houses when i'm older!" From this there are only two ends to the story. Number one, they find out that it's not the case and realised that TV lied to them (shock horror) or number two; they try and live out this self centred hedonistic lifestyle for real and screw themselves up beyond imagining.

skins. go away, your time is past.

The Inbetweeners, you're fucking next

Being Human

2010-02-28T22:37:00.003Z

Call me a geek, a nerd, or any comination of those two but i ADORE this fantastic show! It's mix of drama, comedy and horror never ceases to intrigue me. I mean yes the plot is outlandish and sometimes the episodes do lag a bit but it's still bloody good entertainment.

Plus, me being me, i don't usually like blood, gore and all that nonsense. I get a bit queasy and faint, but this holds me so much i just have to watch it till the end! For a guy who passed out during the Dark Knight that's bloody saying something.

I would kill to be part of a show as good as this.

Venus/Mars

2010-02-26T10:52:00.003Z

Is it just me, or do women have and issue with seeing what's right in front of them? By this i mean the guy who helped you through a messy break up, or a spot of family trouble, or whatever. He's been dependable, reliable and there for you to talk to whenever you need him (within reason) and above all this, he's single?

Needless to say, sometimes these honest and reliable guys feel used. I feel their pain. Especially as it seems that more and more, the good guys are finishing last.

I'm probably only venting because I've been single almost 2 years. I hate this rut I'm stuck in, but there's no one that seems to be interested enough to pull me out of it.

The girl in question probably doesn't even read this, and even if she does, there's still that one important factor; She'll miss what's right under her nose.

Just because

2010-02-24T14:30:00.003Z

this blog lacks colour

2010-02-20T23:00:00.006Z

i thought this blog was lacking a bit of colour recently, so thought i'd shove some of my favourite shots i took at Bonneville Speed Week in 2008. Wow, did not realise how quickly the time had flown. That's scary.

yes, these are all my own shots. I need to get the photo-groove back.

click to make BIG!

in regard to the last post

2010-02-17T22:11:00.003Z

The NHS screwed up again. They told me that i was having the braces fitted monday, turns out they weren't. It was a surgical consult with two surgeons (one which was so stereotypically German i wondered if they'd injected me with something when i wasn't looking.) Did give me that chance to ask a lot of questions though, and they did a good job of reassuring me.

Essentially they said the whole process would take 2 years. That's with braces, then surgery, then braces or a retainer to finish. The surgery itself will take around four hours and they'll be tipping my upper jaw forward from inside the mouth (no visible scarring) to close the gap in my teeth. Might mean the length of my face will be changed by a few mm, but again they assured me it would be barely noticeable. As for recovery time, well they reckon i'd have a numb jaw for anything from 2 weeks to two months. No loss of speech, but it'll "feel strange".

long story short, no braces, they're getting fitted at the beginning of April. Have to re-prepare myself now

Apprehension

2010-02-14T22:15:00.003Z

Tomorrow morning i'm going to the hospital to get braces fitted for the 2nd time in my life. 1st time they didn't work properly, which is annoying because of the amount my family paid the buggers. Anyway, this all stems from when i was auditioning last year;

I got refused on the final stage of application because i apparently had a speech impediment. Funny, the year i was there no-one spotted it, only in the 5 minute audition.

On that, i went to a speech therapist, she said that nothing could be done because it was down to the position of my tongue that was forced by the position of my teeth. So i went to an orthodontist who said that braces might not work properly, so she referred me to a surgical hospital. After a couple of appointments there it became clear what they thought was needed and that brings me back to the appointments tomorrow.

So, tomorrow i'm getting braces put on again for 18 months or even 2/3 years, and after the course of braces has finished, they will break my jaw and re-align it because apparently that's what's causing the problem.

What the main concern is that i know have to put my acting dream on hold for at least 2 years, if not more. Even MORE frustrating, i have already sent, applied and paid for my auditions this year. So far total money i've invested in just paying the audition fees is near to £150. During these auditions i will now have braces, not exactly giving me a fighting chance in an industry based on looks. In the long run, it should help, i'll be able to bite into food properly and hopefully speak more eloquently. But i've still got an ocean of ifs, buts and whys swimming around in my head. Mainly, wondering if this is right for me.

So yeah, that in short has got me pissed off, scared and bloody well confused to boot.

2 posts in one day. Fucking record for me

FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

2010-02-14T14:33:00.003Z

Clue is in the title, this is a venting post.

Just had ANOTHER argument with my stubborn pig headed father who told me he's planning to sell MY car because i'm not "interested in it".

Firstly; i find it hard to be interested in a car when it's in a lock up a mile away at some woman's house who i don't even know.

Second; i am still learning to drive, once that is over i'll definitely be more "interested" but for now it's in progress.

Third; The car currently doesn't run. To get it working it needs a lot of work, i am prepared to do that work, but to do the work i need the parts, to get the parts i need money, and with my current job only giving me about 10-15 hours a week, that just ain't gonna give me enough to buy the bits i need.

Fourth; I am currently auditioning for drama schools, this takes priority above EVERYTHING ELSE because it's my third year trying and i don't want to fuck it up.

Fifth; Because of my employer changing me from full time to casual, i need a new job. This is currently on the back burner because of auditions but i need more money to get the car finished.

Another small reason is that i've been promised a set of wheels and tyres for it. Now that's not a big issue, i can easily buy them and get it done myself. But what does complicate things is that once i start work on the car's underpinnings, i have to either support it on bricks (meaning i can't move it, the lock up is not big enough for me to work in around the car) or on wheels. The old wheels will not fit the new bolt pattern on the suspension parts and axle so i need the new ones to even start the work.

Unfortunately it seems dearest daddy doesn't understand this. Even though he hasn't done any work on his car for at least 6 months (his is running, just) he has declared that it's his car and that he's selling it. Fucking prick.

Sorry you had to read that

Because i haven't in a while

2010-02-09T23:01:00.003Z

Another train journey blog, only a small one this time, just about the complete baffling ignorance of some people i walk by and travel with.

This morning, on the way to work, a young man had a massive rant at a man in his 70s, because the older man stood up to him. The younger guy wasn't doing much, he was just going the wrong way down the stairs forcing everyone to move and being inconsiderate. When told of this fact, he let fly with a mouth that would embarrass most of the Armed Forces, really having a go at this poor bloke. Didn't seem to occur to him that he was surrounded by young and impressionable school kids who looked anything between the age of 9 & 15.

The young man then told the older man to once again "fuck off and move" and then moved towards me. I stopped dead. He then tried to push past me and swore at me. I put a hand on his chest and told him very calmly that i was not in the mood to be pissed off, and that he was being ignorant, selfish and to watch his mouth around children. He paid no attention and pushed right past effing and blinding all the way down.

Honest to god if there wasn't kids around, i would have lamped him, and i am not a violent or confrontational person

See, it's dicks like that that ruin everyone's day. No reason to be so rude and ignorant, and no need to barge others out of the way. There was no rush, there was no train on that platform for another 5 minutes, so why did he feel the need to abuse that old man and me?

Why is there no nice strangers anymore except for the drunkards that i seem to attract late at night?

an oldie

2010-02-06T22:58:00.003Z

I posted this as a "note" on facebook ages ago, and remembered it last night over a drink. (it's always something to do with alcohol or the toilet. Thankfully never both) So i thought i'd post it up again here for the giggles.

"contradictory things, dontcha love em? like when that bloke at work contradicts himself yet again to leave you in no doubt that he's a complete idiot, or finding that perfect little contradiction in a persons argument so that you can emerge triumphant yet again! [if you've come this far and have no idea what im on about, it's ok. forget it, move on, more to life]

basically i had to make another note about my last note [the one with a few, tips and hinters as to facebook etiquette] as i realised a flaw, and that flaw is that i was focusing too much on the virtual world instead of the real one. [yes, you, the guy who's only just flicked over from playing world of warcraft with the beer bottle glasses gathering dust on your face and the eyes the size of dinner plates, there is a real one. yes i know its surprising. no, no, your mother already knows, and your best mate, and they wont be online now. no, no, trust me, they wont, just, read the rest of this, then turn the computer off and go outside and lay in that green stuff thats outside, thats called "grass". dont worry, it wont explode while you're away. go on, go!]

yes, what i wanted to bring up is that we've all become very attached to these social networking sites, and while they are lovely for keeping in touch with those far off friends you dont see very often, what about the ones you do? or at least, you saw them often enough before you logged onto this thing. the original "social networking site" was the park down the road, the gym, the pub, the sports field or even the local starbucks! what was wrong with those places? the original, non technological, real world site is just as good for meeting up with your mates.

actually, thats a point, what was wrong with the original voicemail? was whispering something in someones ear against "elf n safety?" what about text? too many papercuts from letters and envelopes? the chatroom? was there something drastically wrong with all piling into your mates flat to sit, watch a film with a few beers and have a laugh? no? then why change to this? i mean yes, parts of it are easier, and quicker but its no substitute for the real world out there is it? if it aint broke, don't fix it!

so go on, get off your arses and go down the park for a kick about, have a coffee with mates, or invite that someone special over and snuggle down to watch a film. any reason you can think of to get out there! as for me, im off to excercise a bit, maybe go for a run.

HAIL TO THE REAL WORLD"

ironic, as i haven't felt like going out much of late!

audtions

2010-02-05T13:42:00.005Z

yesterday was a good day. Met some lovely people, had a nice time and thought the audition went well. Fingers crossed for something with NYT this year, and for all future auditions.

Wish that Italia Conti, East15 and Kingston would get back to me already. I at least want to know when my auditions will be!

Good things are happening, lets hope it stays that way

trainage

2010-01-29T22:55:00.003Z

I always love people watching. Yes its voyeuristic and to some it might make me a bad person, but it's really interesting to just watch people go about their everyday lives, especially those that are open enough to give you a bit more insight, however small. Perfect place for this, I find, is the train.

Last night, there was a long haired guy who'd just had his first job interview in 20 years. I don't think he'd been drinking, (I couldn't smell it on his breath) but he was smiling, joking and telling me about his day. Turns out the interview was for a Harley Salesman on Kings Road, and he'd managed to bag a free coffee (from Starbucks of all places!) by telling a joke;

baby camel and mummy camel munching away. baby says to mum; "mum, why do we have such long eyelashes?"
Mum says "well it's so the sand in the desert doesn't get in our eyes and irritate us."
"oh right" says baby, "why do we have such big hooves then?"
Mummy says "well, all the sand in the desert can be quite soft. The big hooves stop us from sinking into it."
"Oh i understand" says baby, "what about the big humps on our back?"
"well" mum explains, "that's because there's not much food or water in the desert, so we can store energy as fat in our humps"
"oh that's clever" says baby, "but i still don't understand. What are we doing in a Zoo?"

that made me smile, and it had him giggling all the way through. I love just chatting to nice people like that, no harm in him, just wanted to speak to another human being.

Similar thing happened this morning, woman got on with a little girl, must have only been 4 or 5 years old, and behind there was a scruffy and dishevelled man with a Staffordshire bull terrier. The girl was whimpering because she was scared of the dog, the man, put the dog on his lap, kept the dog warm by wrapping his jacket round it, and then began speaking to the little girl. He was joking and smiling, making her giggle, and trying to make her comfortable. By the time I left the train, the girl was sat next to the dog, petting it completely in awe because this stranger had given her the confidence to do so.

There was also a girl at Hampton, she got off the carriage in front of mine, and when she turned to go up the stairs, she looked at me and stopped dead in her tracks. I still to this moment don't know if the look on her face was horror, attraction or a mix of both. (probably the former)

Anyway, that's just part of my life, don't know if anyone reads this stuff, or if it means anything. But hell we all die, so maybe it doesn't mean anything anyway. Does to me though.

balls

2010-01-28T09:37:00.002Z

today I awoke at a socially acceptable time with the premise of filling in my application forms for audition and getting them sent off. Now I'm sat here dilly dallying and wondering whether to do them or not, and I'm not sure why. I don't think it's pure laziness, or the fact I hate doing endless forms again and again. But if it isn't that, then what is it? More to the point, what if this means I now don't want to act? What else am I going to do?

choice

2010-01-27T22:53:00.005Z

choice is an annoying thing to have! Ok, not strictly true, I'm venting slightly, but it still annoys me that I have to decided NOW what I want to do for the rest of my life. That could be another 50 years! (or 10, I might die early, you never know)

I'll cut this short because I want to get to bed. Had too many late nights recently;

Most of my life I've wanted to be an actor, because it's something I have done all my life. By that I don't mean "mummy and daddy" forced me into fucking stagecoach at the age of 18months, I've only been acting since I was about 10/11 if you're talking about real, on stage, treading the boards emotional performance. What I actually mean is that because I have always been so scared about fitting in, I put on an act to be the likeable guy. Normally ends up with me trying too hard and making a tit out of myself. I'm thinking I've probably posted this before, so I'll end it here.

Crux of the blog is this; more and more I've been thinking that instead of acting (if on my 3rd year of trying I fail yet again to get into a drama school) I'll go and do a drama degree at a normal uni, with the hope afterwards of teaching English and Drama at GCSE, A-Level or University level. Mainly GCSE & A-Level though because I DESPISE the way Shakespeare is taught currently. All that poking and prodding and the over analysing of every rhythm beat and word in every fucking sentence!

FUCK OFF!

Shakespeare is beautiful and if you'd just sit down and take the time to listen to the words or see it performed, you would understand that what he is saying draws massive parallels with huge amounts of our culture today! You do not need to pick apart every pissing syllable on every fucking line and have a dictionary running along side the bloody thing! JUST LISTEN! Have we really gotten so used to all this computerized age that we have forgotten how to interpret the most beautiful language that has ever graced our ears?

right, I'm wrapping this up before I start rambling. I can feel it starting. G'night!

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read" - Groucho Marx

Eleven

2010-01-17T22:15:00.003Z

Can some things be the wrong things to inspire you?

I'm just asking because lately i've been finding it VERY hard to get all inspired, or inspirational for that matter. My own inspiration that is, inspiring myself, i doubt very highly i'm inspiring to others and if i said i was i'd immediately reprimand (took me ages to think of that word!) myself for being an arrogant twat. Not inspiring.

Yes anyway, i find myself recently being inspired by weird things. Rebellion and alcohol mostly. Like, i will (can't believe i j7ust wrote like!) get inspired with things, but not great things, not things you really SHOULD get inspired by, like great arts or stars or a bird or something cliche like that.

Tonight, had a bit to drink. First thing i did?> my Personal Statement for this years applications! I mean why? WHY does it take drink for me to be able to do that?! (will also apologise, am still tipsy, so spelling mistakes are MY BAD! Will try and correct any though, handy thing this google chrome,. It;s got auto spellcheck./) Then right now after this i';m goign to go upstairs and rea and re-read a speech i'm trying to learn! WHY? because in the speech the guy is smashed. And not a little bit tipsty but properly utterly trampolined. I feel i HAVE to get slightly bollocked to actually have a good go at this thing, and aswell, when i'm drunk i fell like EME! Cos the mask that we all have fucking drops and i can just be myself and it's fucking glorious., I'm also not saying i HAVE to get drunk for things to work, and to be me. You guys, "whoever actually reads this shit that is?) see quite a bit of the "real" me because the internet, this screen you see, is my MASK! SEE?!?! it's something to hide behind or, not because you're not here. Iether way i'm actaually fucking me¬!" Ha fucking me, self fucking, that's be really difficult although i think Marylin Mmanson was able to do it wasnt he? Had a rib removed or some crap like that.

OFF TO LEARN SOME STUFF! BYESIE BYE!

new start

2010-01-06T00:16:00.004Z

rather a pointless post this one, maybe. Well, i don't know, perhaps it does have a point, but really it's all subjective. Right Alex, stop blabbering, get on with it.

I will say that i have no idea why i'm writing this at half past midnight. I'm becoming an insomniac i think.

Today (or rather, yesterday, past midnight now) was a fresh start for me. Once again i had a little epiphany on the walk home from work at 11pm as the snow fell softly all around me It started when i left work and walked to Wimbledon station. My platform is No.8 and fast trains always fly past platform 7.

I saw this as an opportunity. When i saw a train round the bend ahead, i edged past the yellow line on platform 7 and faced the oncoming train. The rush as the train went past and blew the snow into my face was so exhilarating that i couldn't help but laugh out loud. I attracted some very strange looks from the other passengers, but for the first time in a very long time, i didn't care what they, or anyone thought.

That for me is a bloody big thing.

On the train, a girl, who must have been early/mid twenties, very tall, short cropped hair and stunning eyes, smiled at me as i got on. I returned the smile, and sat down on the other side of the carriage from her. We exchanged a couple of looks on the journey before she got off, the odd smile. But i still didn't have to the courage to strike up a conversation with her. Thought it might have been a bit weird, especially as i was smiling like an overzealous child at all the snow. Do wish i'd at least asked her name though.

I now realise that i stepped back upon myself at that point, started worrying what people thought, but that soon wore off as soon as i got off the train.

No sooner had i crossed the footbridge to venture home, i saw the most perfect square of snow just to the side. So i dropped my bag, went over, and lay down.

Yep, you guessed it; Snow Angel! Hopefully that'll bring a smile to people getting off the later trains, certainly did to the couple following me, even if they did think i was nuts.

Anyway, fast forward to me walking down the road, right on the (now invisible) dividing line between the two lanes, and a thought hit me. The thing that will help me this year, and hopefully for the rest of my life, is caring. Now at first i thought i just needed to care more. About how i looked, felt, ate, went about my work and preparation.

Those are all good things, especially taking pride in whatever i do with myself, but i also clicked that it's about not caring too. Not caring what people in the street may do, say or think. Making my own mind up about what i need and what i feel is right. Being free with myself, not sheltering behind this social mask i seem to have on constantly.

Tonight when that cold air smacked me backwards i felt like the real me, i proved that i can be the real me, that the mask can shatter and show the gooey flesh underneath. Call it cliché, but it was a refreshing moment.

Hopefully this year, things will go well, and i adore the snow. It's so beautiful and calm out there because of it.

"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honourable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." - George Bernard Shaw

Paradoxical Inspirations

2009-12-10T22:48:00.004Z

Having just returned from a night of 2 1 act plays at my old amateur youth theatre, I feel somewhat compelled to explain something to you lovely few who follow little old me. I felt inspired tonight to do great things, mainly to write, direct and act to the very bloody best of my ability because it's what I ADORE doing, and I seem to have forgotten that recently. The almighty reason for this mass influx of inspiration (which knowing me, will fade by Monday)?

The first play, was without a shadow of a doubt, SHITE

I'm not just doing this to be mean, honestly I'm not, but it was utter toilet. The title, writer and director I won't even mention because I think it'd be beyond human rights or something. It was flat, boring, totally monotonous tripe! There was absolutely no passion in any of the actors eyes and to be perfectly honest I don't blame them. These are kids who are playing well above or below their actual playing ranges, in a play with which they have absolutely no common ground, supported by a script awash with clichés and pointless repetition.

The other play was the freshest, most ambitious thing I had ever seen an amateur youth theatre attempt, and it was a class act mainly because they all looked like they were enjoying themselves on stage! They were doing what you're supposed to do in a play, and that is to have some fun and play for fucks sake! The first act wasn't a patch on it. Boring boring boring.

Is it wrong to be inspired by terrible things? Ah who cares anyway, whatever gets the juices flowing I suppose!

Right, rant over, this weekend i'm sitting down to write my freaking arse off.

oh, and do UCAS

and pay the rent

and learn audition speeches

and work out

basically, I'll be getting off my arse to tone it a bit intellectually & physically.

because I can - Ryan Sohmer

shit ideas = shit nights

2009-11-28T14:34:00.005Z

Last night was the payday party at work, Fair enough, we all go out for a drink, much fun is had by all, & the managers all get completely plastered. Somehow though, after a couple of sambuccas, this night took a weird turn.

I should have been forewarned that the day was not going to go well when i accidentally got my shift wrong and turned up at 8.30am instead of 10. But i put it down to a simple mistake and carried on like normal. Anyway, skip all the random calls and drudgery of the actual work day, and skip to Wetherspoons, around about 10.30pm. Now by this time we'd met up with our management team who were all very drunk in their own ways, and one of the proceeded to explain to me the ins and outs of masturbation and how much i needed one. I went and got another drink. He told me i was handsome and told me to stick my finger in his £8 a pot hair product to give my hair a lil bit of zazz so i could chat up a girl in the pub. I declined by getting yet another drink, & used the continuous jeering from the manager as an excuse to go and sit with 3 ladies on the table opposite.

Anyway, after a lot of chatting and another bottle of wine, encouraged by my drunk colleagues & my dutch courage, i decided to tag along to a Clapham club with these girls i'd only just met. Hell, they were attractive, and we were all getting along, so i figured i had nothing to lose. We caught the train there, where they decided to spill red wine all over my bag and jeans.

Come to getting into the club, my only male buddy that was still there got refused entry, so i went in with the girls. Within 5 minutes, i'd lost all three of them in the crowd and realised they'd buggered off to leave me alone in a foreign place.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

I then spent to rest of the night being chatted up by a drunken Irishman (oh the cliches!) who proceeded to recruit me into his Chiswick rugby team for Sunday to replace him, and an even more plastered pot bellied Albanian with a goatee and trucker cap who wanted nothing more than to hug me till my eyeballs popped. Still, i tried to make the best of it, my train wasn't until 5 in the morning. That meant there was a lot of time to kill.

It's pretty much taught me i'm gonna be single for a long time, if not the remainder of my existence, but at least i was able to walk home under a blanket of stars for once.

"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it" - Groucho Marx

Where is home?

2009-11-25T21:31:00.007Z

I started pondering this on my walk home tonight (to be perfectly honest, i do it most nights). I walked under the motorway bridge out onto the other side, and whist waiting for a clear spot in traffic i looked up, and saw nothing but faint black against an ever fainter orange glow. The point is, i don't like living here. I miss living around the Epping Forest area and being able to walk home under a blanket of stars throughout the year. And when i say blanket, i mean that it shimmered. On a clear evening or night, there was no need for street lighting of any kind, just pure nature from 20 feet and above to light my walk home.

I mean don't get me wrong, i love London. All the hustle & bustle of people walking by, and i can just walk through at my own pace, completely anonymous to those around, people watching at my leisure. It's just that where i'm living now, in this suburbia that's not really anywhere special, there's not enough green, not enough nature. It's all too, grey, too concrete. Be nice if they livened it up a bit with the odd bit of street art, but all they've done is painted the subway tunnels in garish coloured caricatures as an attempt to get "down wiv tha yoof" (it failed miserably Spelthorne council, it really did) Plus, it's miles away from anywhere interesting, except the river of course, but even that is surrounded by bricks and mortar.

I miss Essex, I miss last year.

"when life gives you lemons, grab some salt & tequila" - Anon

a makeover?

2009-11-21T11:39:00.005Z

Sorry for not having blogged in a long while, I've been excruciatingly busy with the new job, which doesn't leave a lot of "me" time. Still, that said, I figure that needs to change. Later tonight I'll be in Covent Garden for a friends 21st, which also gives me the chance to visit London and do a bit of self-shopping! Problem is, I'm way too picky when it comes to clothes and it takes me ages to find things I like the look of. If it doesn't shout at me that it's brilliant, I won't buy it. End of. That said, I'm a man of simple tastes, a plain white T & some dark Levi's will do me fine. (the more I write here, the more I'm thinking maybe I need a companion to shop with...)

Oh, and I love my Vans, just too god damn comfy

Firstly though, I need a freaking haircut, as currently I look like a blonde Robert Pattinson who's been dragged backwards through a prickly hedge.

I was thinking (or rather dreaming) of getting a style similar to this;

what d'ya reckon? Suit me? Ah it's worth a shot I reckon.

"When the times comes to leave, just walk out quietly and don't make any fuss" - Anon

the thing what i wrote

2009-09-02T17:12:00.004+01:00

Did this roughly a year ago for a devised theatre peice on Poverty & Class. Isn't much, and it never got used, but I was proud of it for a 15 minute jot down.

A Wish;

I wish my life were more like his,
he has no social qualms.
Compared to my social office block
his life's a beach with palms.
I wish I could sit just like him
and watch the world rush by,
wish I could spend my earnings to
sit there, get drunk, get high.

I pass this envied man each day
wishing my life were his,
that happy tram on the pavement
sat smiling in his piss.

West End Evening

2009-09-01T16:05:00.011+01:00

A night out on London's West End, what to do, what to see, where to eat? Well, I recommend these two, if you're willing to enjoy new experiences? You are? Then let's begin;

First port of call, The Criterion on Piccadilly Circus to watch "The 39 Steps"

This show is fantastic, in fact it's so good I've seen it twice! I adore the way they play with the whole concept of theatre and it completely obliterates the idea of a "fourth wall" between stage and audience. There's frequent asides, breaks in form and improvisations that make for a truly riotus show. Oh, and sometimes you can grab tickets from a tenner so it's certainly worth it!

After the show, we decided to go off for a bite to eat at my favourite restaurant. Ed's Easy diner just off the Trocadero between Leicester Square and Piccadilly.

Now if you know me at all, you'll know I love anything retro and American and this place has it all! You've got authentic American hot dogs, burgers and drinks to die for. Seriously, if you're feeling dead hungry, go for the All Day Big Breakfast Bubba and a Malt Shake, you'll never have had it so good! Oh, and if you don't like the music they're playin', slap a 20p in the Jukebox and choose your own tune!

Right, there you go, two big ideas for what to do on a night out in London Town, now go and explore!

Once upon a time in Nazi occupied France...

2009-08-21T12:39:00.006+01:00

I think i'll start by saying what most of you want to hear because i don't want to make these two angry;

Tarantino is back.

Last night through a cheeky ask, i was invited along to see Tarantino's latest with an old female friend. I'll say now, i was trying to neuter my excitement before the film started because even though this film looked brilliant on paper (War and Tarantino, two of my favourites!) i didn't want to get my hopes up only to find another Grindhouse-esque dissapointment. Luckily, that wasn't the case.

After a slight glitch with the projector pointing off kilter (and off screen, damn you ODEON!) the film began. The start was slow, and for a while i wondered if i'd really walked into a Tarantino film, but, true to form, the slow pace was soon built upon by lashings and lashings of cruel tension elongated to the point of me clutching my fists to my face, resisting the temptation to bite my nails. This was proper Tarantino!

I must give mention to Christoph Waltz, playing SS Col Hans "the jew hunter" Landa who brought a very human element to the film. His toying with Pitt's Tennesee "Eye-tal-e-en speakin'" Aldo Raine was incredibly funny and stupidly tense at the same time and the film was littered with these splashes of dark, snapping humour along with spatterings of gore, big explosions and tons of bullets (the Testicle Tavern scene was sheer brilliance). Even though the scalping scenes made me feel very queasy (had to go outside for air in parts)I thoroughly enjoyed it.

If you're a Tarantino lover, this is a can't miss. 9/10 (not ten, just because i missed a bit. queasy)

Krispy Kruisin' August 09

2009-08-16T14:02:00.001+01:00

Now i don't know about you, but I figure firing up the car and cruising up the A3 for coffee and donuts isn't a bad way to spend a Sunday morning.

We pulled up at about 10am, and already the car park was packed, and considering that the Hotrod Hayride was on the same day, this was a cracking turnout. Now this meet has a pretty good following, with lots of regulars turning up with their cars up every time. For many shows, seeing the same cars every meet would detract from the appeal, but not here. It's great to meet up with the same guys and have some good banter about how their car is progressing, (or not as the case may be) and of course, donuts make everything better. The good but grey weather meant most stayed into the early afternoon, by which time everyone had had their fill of doughy goodness

Martin Hubbard's 32 is a regular here, running a 350 Chevy with a tuck n roll interior, it hits all the right notes.

Two 65 saloons looked hard parked across the road, Colin Dowding's Falcon is a frequent appearance here at Krispy.

Gorgeous blue Camaro was hidden away at the back

There's just something about split Window Vettes that i adore, and the Mustang in the background isn't bad either.

They don't get much longer than this! Sox & Martin liveried Superbird was a peach.

Lovely big chevy was begging to be slammed, but already looked great.

it's not all American at Krispy. Keith's 100E was running a Pinto lump and sounded as good as it looked.

Apache truck is a regular down at this meet, but it's still a lovely clean truck.

introductory shenanigans

2009-08-16T05:56:00.000+01:00

Evening world, or morning dependng on where you are on the planet and when you read this. I'm quite new to the whole blogging lark, so first off i thought i'd lay down some info about myself, maybe it'll let you in to what sort of content will crop up in my blogs.

Firstly, name's Alex, 19 years young, I live in the UK just outside London and i'm a keen Actor. Not fully trained as yet but i'm working on it. Other than that, I write, do a fair bit of photography, work on my car, and when i have the time i chill out with a film, book, play or a session on the Xbox (usually the latter).

So that's me in a nutshell, ish. I'd love to tell you more but i don't know what else you'd want to know! Anyway, first blog will probably be a report on a local Rod Run i'm hitting tomorrow. If the weather's good, expect a few pictures. Till then, ta-ta, sayonara, goodnight!

"it's easier to get forgiveness than permission"- Robert Banks (a.k.a. Bansky)